sya | On Humanity

I have already written this some time ago, but have decided to repost it as its own thing.

The term ‘humanity’ means very little to me. I dislike that it’s used as a measurement to determine how much of a good person you are. And if you are a cruel person, then that means you are no longer a human. Inversely, there’s also the racists and fascists who believe that humans from a different ethnicity, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation from theirs aren’t really human and use that as an excuse to take their rights away. This tells me that society in general holds humanity as a social construct as well. And that if you aren’t human, you’re viewed as inferior.

I tell myself that I lack humanity, but not in the way society would tell you that means. Altruism exists in other species as well, not just humans. Human centrism annoys me. In my entire life for as long as I can remember, I never was content with being a human. I’ve always wanted to be something else. I think that this sort of thinking and wishing was a bit rare, or something you grew out of. It’s a certainty that I will never grow out of this feeling. The human form/body has always been a source of repulsion to me, possibly contributing to the fact that I’m ace as I mentioned earlier.

Human intelligence seems lacking to me, my own included. I feel this ‘limit’ on my intelligence, where anything past a certain point is too confusing for me to understand, or too complicated to do it correctly, such as chemistry equations. I did consider myself a human for a long time, but that was because I didn’t know it was possible to be anything else. Even though I pretend that I think I’m a normal human to strangers, I never actually consider myself one.

I care about humans, because of the ones I know and because I don’t want them to suffer, I don’t want the eugenicists and other bad people to win, despite my physical repulsion of being a human. As a protoss, I think I was a xenobiologist of sorts, and never really liked extinctions of an entire species so much. (I think that’s an understandable dislike.) I can’t stop thinking that humans are some strange species now. I’m not sure how much of this feeling was present before I discovered I was a protoss. I can’t make estimations of how it was a few years ago after all of the things that happened to me after that. It would be biased.