Brain weirdness

[sya]

(A combination of two posts from tumblr)

I feel that I have been born with certain knowledge and instincts inside of my brain, in a way that science can't completely explain. There's such a huge gap between what humans know about neurology and the mind in the present day compared to the other sciences.

As I mentioned before, psychiatry and neurology are still in their dark ages, with scientists only able to hypothesize or guess how or why the brain does certain things, with no definite answer on a lot of phenomena.

Cw for mentions of unreality and doubt:

But there is something going on with all of these glimpses of the future that I get a few times a month to a few times a year, combined with memories of my past. Memories I have no explanation for other than "it's just a quirky coincidence" to the general public.

There are so many questions I have, and all of the answers are unsatisfactory. How am I able to perceive and know things with so much accuracy? It's much higher than chance. How can certain uninheritable knowledge be in my brain if the brain is freshly made by birth, knowledge beyond the base blueprints? How much does my spirit influence my brain? Does it alter my neurology in any way and make it a wholly physical experience as well? Because if it's not my alien spirit reacting with my brain in such a way, what other honest and feasible explanation is there? (I know orthohumans can also be psychic like this, so I'm not saying this is some special alien thing that only I can do.)

All of the knowledge I have is already inside this physical brain. How can it be at this point? This brain isn't human. I feel like I'm trying to break through and tap into the knowledge that I used to have before coming here and forgetting. It's very important for me to do this because it can answer questions right now about my present and future in this life.

My OCD is an annoying onslaught of questioning and doubting. I doubt almost everything all the time because I want complete certainty. I question what I know and try to learn what I don't know, which can be a positive trait. But there are some things I just can't ever know because it's not a thing that can be empirically studied. Most people would say my experiences aren't actually happening and dismiss them completely, when I know with certainty that they are happening, and I have these things physically written or drawn before finding out what it was. I have so many receipts and references to fall back on. At first, I really did think they were just little coincidences, but with the experiences I've had for 25+ years consistently, they aren't.

But as I said in another post recently, no matter what I say, I don't think it will ever be enough for materialists and empiricists because it challenges their understanding of reality and they are afraid of asking these questions because it represents the unknown and unseeable. But if they went what I go through, they'd have the same questions that I do. And I do want to work with a rational framework that best fits my experiences.

I think the biggest mental block stopping me from getting memories as efficiently as I could be is my fear of being right. It's scarier to be right than it is to be wrong, as much as I don't actually want to be wrong. But if I'm wrong, I can just shrug it off as just a coincidence. But if I'm right, I can't do that, and that in itself opens up Pandora's box. And I'm a freak.

 

Yet, this isn't my only issues that I struggle with. Between the anxiety and being a nonhuman alien, you get something resembling a disability. My situation really sucks. I despise living in a hyper capitalist world, where so many possible opportunities are taken away from me because it always costs money to get to them, and I don't have money to waste in the first place. Add to the fact that humans age and do everything so quickly, I'm left with permanent jet lag that I can't adapt or get over. This isn't the first time I mentioned this, and I can't just 'overcome' these issues. I wish I could.

The interesting thing is that the identity itself has nothing to do with my anxiety symptoms or mental illness, and it exists as its own separate thing. Of course, I get memories and interesting shifts that scare me sometimes, but it's the result of anxiety and the isolation brought on by my rare experiences, rather than it directly being the cause of all my other symptoms. Being an alien is just an added benefit.

I had to explain that my shifts, feelings, memories, and instincts aren't from the anxiety. Even if I was never worried or nervous, I would still have all of these experiences. The memories and knowledge I had with no way I could have known it to be right at the time has no connection to the illness. (Unless GAD and OCD gives you unnervingly accurate recollection of events from another lifetime, and phantom limbs and alien instincts. But last I checked, it doesn't.) And it's in fact, my anxiety and inability to concentrate that separates me from my feelings. I sometimes feel like I'm not any species when I'm very scared, I just feel like an entity that exists and is conscious. I don’t feel human, but then again I never do. I might panic in a visibly nonhuman manner, (such as wanting to claw things with my hands as a grounding technique, and my body posture), but internally, I'm not feeling anything alterhuman related. Just adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol.

Even if these issues I have with working in society was the result of undiagnosed autism, it still doesn't explain everything. And I find it likely that even if I do have it, it's because my nonhumanity mimics it at a surface level. And a diagnosis won't necessarily help me at this point in life.

I relate with the famous quote, 'I think, therefore I am,' where the only thing the philosopher who wrote it can be certain of is that he has a mind that thinks and exists. I can be certain of that as well.

 

 

Comments

[thishouse]

But as I said in another post recently, no matter what I say, I don't think it will ever be enough for materialists and empiricists because it challenges their understanding of reality and they are afraid of asking these questions because it represents the unknown and unseeable. But if they went what I go through, they'd have the same questions that I do. And I do want to work with a rational framework that best fits my experiences.

This makes me think about the nonlocality of quantum physics. It's unintuitive, and there are crackpots who spend a lot of time trying to find ways to disprove it. But nonlocality is experimentally verified. It was proposed in the math first, but the math was just math in the beginning. The real, physical significance of the math could only be proven by experiments. Likewise, your experiences are the real psychological and physical phenomena that require explanation. Maybe the math isn't there yet, but the results are real.

[sya]

Thanks! I tend to get a bit rambley about these sort of things, so I apologize ahead of time.

I notice that hard core empiricists get angry when spiritual people use quantum mechanics as a way to describe their beliefs because they often fall under pseudoscience. It does upset me because I think quantum mechanics and its strange properties can actually be used to explain a lot of weird spiritual phenomena if it's done correctly. But due to this stigma, it's hard to know what's legitimate, what is false, and what can't be discovered by scientists due to this stigma between spirituality and science. And they tend to sweep it all under pseudoscience when I don't think all of it is. I am pretty skeptical of everything, including what is known and what isn't known, and I find that I have trouble believing things blindly.

I'll use precognition as an example of this, because it's the most well-known of my various experiences:

Physicists say that psychic ability and precognition is impossible and fake, and is likely a result of the subconscious looking at patterns. But I'm calling bs on this because of my lived experiences where I know things I couldn't possibly know, that I can't explain away as intuition. When I tried to honestly search for the science behind this sort of thing, all I got was "it's not real or possible," which was very annoying. And the way they reach these conclusions are often from methods I consider to be unsatisfactory.

This sort of thing can only be possible through non locality and particles behaving strangely at the quantum level. I can't think of any other way this would be possible.

I also will most likely not understand the mathematics behind the papers, but do you have any links with these experiments you mentioned?

[thishouse]

There's some unfalsifiable possibilities in the world that simply cannot be explained with traditional scientific methods. Some things just literally can't be tested, so there's always going to be ambiguity and room for other explanations. There's so much that we can't know.

I was thinking of the many Bell tests. The most recent thing I can find is "Test of Nonlocal Energy Alteration between Two Quantum Memories" by Jian-Peng Dou, Feng Lu, Hao Tang, and Xian-Min Jin that came out in March of this year.

[sya]

I'll read those when I get the chance, thanks for the recommendation!