Alterhuman Blog

Trying to behave in a human way and having to 'accept' or 'acknowledge' my humanity is pointless. There is nothing for me to accept because there is nothing there. It doesn't exist, and this visible form is very illusionary to begin with from a philosophical stand point. It's always been a mask. If I'm truly going to liberate myself, I need to accept the fact that being told that I'm also a human ends up diminishing the vastness of my experiences, because of all of these abnormalities. Humans do not get these shifts, memories, sensations, etc. To say they do is a lie. And thinking in this way is beneficial to my mental health because it puts less pressure and stress on needing to behave in a normal and typical way. It makes me feel less like a freak and more normal when I look at it all through the context of my species. I need to come to terms with my shifts and my experiences and accept that I have them, not my humanity. And not in a way where I ignore them.

Ignoring them has been very harmful to me in the long run, while acknowledging that I'm not human removes unnecessarily hurdles and barriers.

I know trans analogies that compare species to gender is often used, but I have something different to compare it to; my experiences as a nerazim.(I've been at this for two lifetimes, yay.) The other khalai protoss thought that we didn't want to be protoss and hated ourselves and them. We separated our selves from that religion and cut the nerve cords, which in their brains, was what made you a protoss, which is a very biological essential view. I can understand why they think we hated them. But it was never about hatred for me. Of course, I can't speak about the others, only for myself. But there's a quote from a novel about this exile that surmises my point well: "Nothing in them desires revolution and disharmony. They merely wish to keep themselves to themselves. Is that worthy of death?" 

I want to do things on my own terms, and I've found an effective way of doing so in this current existence I'm in.

It transcends millenia and lifetimes.

It warns and I still understand.

A fallen entity of infinite power, the creator of all that seeks to undo all that has been done.It wishes to deliver the universe back into emptiness. It hates for the aim of hating.  It wishes to see you suffer solely for existing. It is beyond reasoning. Running only prolongs your suffering. Begging does nothing, praying yields no results because there are no other gods.This was the creature you were praying for all along since the beginning of time.This entity laughs at your pleas, feeding into its endless disease like an unnatural war machine. It grows in strength with its sadistic cackles. Nothing will save this universe but yourselves.

This entity can be seen in the minds of others. Their screams for help are unheard in the presence of such a primordial evil which engulfs everything they ever were. 

It incinerates them from the inside out. Instead, the monster screams through them all in unison. This sickening shadow burns all. By all costs, such a malevolent entity must be destroyed before it metastasizes. The blemish of this ancient existence must be cauterized from all traces of permanence. All the pain and suffering it has caused must be reflected back towards the sender a hundredfold. 

Severing yourself from this creature allows you to escape this nightmare but allows you to enter a different one: reality. It lets you see the puppetmaster in the eye and not above you holding your strings. It no longer uses its own voice to speak through you even as you glimpse into the red haze of primal anger. All of this knowledge gained from one glimpse into this creature’s realm. No amount of horror dominates this obscene vision. The infinite abomination has no equal rival.

 
The veteran mind is forever inoculated against this insanity. Immune to these terrors in mind. Is this knowledge worse to the beholder or the beheld? This question can never be answered. Only a will of unhuman steel can send you through. 

Too many died. But I saw the end. A curse or a blessing? A pity that I do not remember more, the only survivor here to share this cursed knowing.

Repost of something I wrote last year

I have a good grasp on the temporal weirdness that goes on in sci fi settings. Usually, if the sciencey subjects are not about something in these areas, it goes over my head. I think I studied time physics in another lifetime and the basic ideas of what I knew passed over. In my case, Nerazim oracles studied these phenomena and had precognition abilities relating to the future. It is weird how I'm able to grasp these highly specific concepts but not everything else. My brain likes to be conveniently bad at anything involving numbers or mathematical equations, which I seriously hate.

Based on my own weird experiences with having many dreams that successfully predict events of the next day, (and at least one vision of seeing something happen seconds before it actually did). If I have a dream of seeing someone I never think about or see, I will get news involving them within the next few days, for example. It leads me to believe that I was in Oracle circles, but never became a pilot.

I've had philosophical questions on time and infinity since I was about 5 years old. And every time I thought about it, it would drive me crazy trying to figure out how time started and what forever felt like. It wasn't until I was in my teenage years that I thought about the universe going through cycles and how it answered these questions. It wasn't until my 20s that I learned that these beliefs existed in other cultures. Of course, my source has these themes of infinite cycles in it as well. And as if that wasn't enough, there was an order in my society dedicated to understanding and controlling time, including precognition. The implications of my experiences can't be any clearer.

I honestly don't think time is linear like it's explained in classical physics, otherwise these experiences wouldn't be possible. Can I prove this with math and numbers? Hell no. But it's the only explanation I have. This happens to me way too much for it to be considered a coincidence. I believe that time is a circle, its ending is its beginning. And that the future already happened and that the past will happen. Still, I believe that enforcing your will power can change what is supposed to happen, so I don't have a fatalist mindset.

I think my prior life was centuries in the future in another universe despite it being in my own personal past. I really do feel that I’m an entity lost in time and space, and it sucks.

In a spiritual sense, at least, time is really an illusion, and it works differently than it does in everyday, physical life. You can't physically time travel, but I believe energy/spirit/consciousness bypasses this barrier. It's not something you can do with physical mass with current technology.

Disclaimer that I'm not saying any of this as objective fact, it's just my interpretation of what's going on.

Here I’ll talk about my spiritual beliefs on how it’s possible to be something that doesn’t necessarily exist here as well as a hypothesis on how all of this is possible. Yes, I’m aware that this can be explained psychologically and I’m not discounting a psychological explanation, but that isn’t what I’m discussing here. Under the cut, I’ll be talking about hard core metaphysics in great detail and how I use it to explain how things work in a spiritual sense.